I Forgive You
by RoxxiSanders
Summary: He had hated him, he had resented him, he had wanted to kill him but now…now he just missed him. Set after book 9 - Killers of the Dawn


**DISCLAIMER: **Sadly I do not own Cirque du Freak or any of the characters.

**SUMMARY:** He had hated him, he had resented him, he had wanted to kill him but now…now he just missed him.

**A/N: **Set after book 9 – Killers of the Dawn.

**TITLE:** I Forgive You

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I Forgive You

Sitting alone atop the grassy verge, Darren finally let the tears fall. Tears for Steve, tears for Sam, tears for Evra, tears for the family and friends that he had left behind but most of all; tears for Mr Crepsley.

Steve had been his best friend; they had practically been brothers until that one stupid move had torn them apart and ruined everything. Steve could be a little defensive, snappy and was certainly not the person to get on the wrong side of but he had always been there…whenever Darren needed him. Then they had seen that stupid flyer that Alan had brought in and now, sitting on damp grass, Darren could hardly believe that they had argued and fought over who got the tickets. If only he could turn back time, he would let someone else go in his place. He would let Alan or Tommy go in his place, let them see that pathetic little spider which had caused this horrible mess to spiral out of control. He should have seen how dangerous it was….how stupid it was to take Madam Octa home. When it had bitten Steve, he had tried to blame it all on Annie saying that if she had never walked in then the spider could have been controlled. He knew however, deep down he knew…knew that it was his fault. Steve had vowed revenge and he hadn't believed him until he became one of them. Mr Crepsley had died because of Steve, he had given his life to save everyone else and Steve had watched as he took his last breaths. He had known as soon as he found out that Steve was the real Vampaneze Lord that he could never forgive him.

Sam had been an amazing friend to him. He reminded Darren a lot of himself, curious and questioning, bold and brave. Bravery…something Darren did not consider himself to have. He still blamed himself for Sam's death; it had been R.V that had let out the wolf man but he knew that if he hadn't told Sam all about the Cirque then he wouldn't have tried to sneak in to escape with them. He had held Sam, sobbing and screaming about how life wasn't fair but eventually letting go, knowing that there was nothing more he could do. He had drunk his blood, unwillingly at first but he came to realise that it was the only way to keep Sam alive yet somehow, it wasn't enough. Darren was sick of making and losing friends in the blink of an eye, always knowing that the loss was coming but still wondering how and when it was goin to happen. It was his curse, he curse of a half vampire. On the surface he appeared a normal boy but inside he was different, so incredibly different and that hurt.

Evra was the best friend he could have asked for. The snake boy had been abandoned by his family, made to feel worthless by a freak show and then finally accepted by the Cirque but despite all the pain he had felt growing up, he was still there for Darren. Unlike Steve, Darren knew that Evra Von wasn't going to backstab him…wasn't going to go running to the Vampaneze. He and Evra had grown apart recently but he knew that when…not if…Darren needed him, Evra would be there waiting. He had been the first friend that Darren had made at the Cirque, sharing a tent but much more than that…sharing a brotherly bond. He had told him everything, from stories about his family and past friends to secret fears that he had about his future as a half vampire. Evra never judged him and it was when Evra was kidnapped that Darren realised just how much he needed and cared about the snake boy. He had told Debbie that Mr Crepsley was his father and Evra his brother; this was so she wouldn't get suspicious. They weren't like brothers in Darren's eyes, they _were_ brothers and nobody was ever going to take that away, he would make sure of it. No matter what happened, he would keep Evra safe because he had already lost too many people in his life.

His family had meant the world to him and that is why he had to leave them behind. He knew that the risks of living at home were too high and as soon as he had started looking at them like meat, he had realised that for their safety he had to leave. He had not however, expected Mr Crepsley to officially make him die. The funeral had been the hardest part. He had heard them crying, talking about his life and how he would have had a promising future but the hardest part was listening to his mother's pained wails. He had sobbed as they buried him, crying silently to himself, wishing that he could get up and tell his family not to worry, that he was still alive but he knew that doing so would put them all in even more danger. He still thought about them every day, he may have had a 'Cirque family' but they weren't his family…they weren't the Shan family. He would remember them every day and every night and although he wouldn't cry as often as he used to, he would still have a hole in his heart where they should be but for their sake, he would move on.

Lastly he cried for Mr Crepsley…he did more than cry, he sobbed his heart out. He sobbed and wailed and shouted until his throat was sore and his eyes stung because although he had hated the vampire at first, he knew that he would be dead had Mr Crepsley not helped him. He had tried to hate him, tried with all his heart to resent the vampire for blooding him but no matter how hard he tried…he could no longer remember him as selfish. He had given his life for Darren in more ways than one. He had given his time to help and train him, his apologies when Darren complained of missing home and Darren had genuinely believed that Mr Crepsley was sorry; especially one night when he caught the vampire sitting perfectly still, silent, crystal tears falling from his lashes. He had also given his condolences and offered Darren comfort when Sam had died. Although it had clearly been awkward for him, he had pulled the trembling wreck into his arms and hugged him. The hug had been brief yet somehow, it had been enough to give Darren strength to carry on. He had also been there when Evra had been kidnapped. He had helped him to search for him and on that first night that Evra had been missing, he had hugged him and told him not to give up hope. Mr Crepsley had definitely mellowed whilst he had been with Darren and in return, Darren had learnt to love the vampire like a father figure. Mr Crepsley would never be his real father and Darren still missed him dearly but Mr Crepsley wasn't all bad and on the rare occasions that he showed his caring side, Darren realised that the vampire was the closest to a father that he was going to get. Then Steve had killed him and Mr Crepsley had made the ultimate sacrifice, giving his life for Darren's.

Staring up at the stars, Darren let out a sigh and once again felt more salty tears leak from his eyes. He was alone here but since the death of Mr Crepsley he felt alone inside too. He had lost two fathers now as well as a mother, a sister and several friends. At that moment he wanted to curl up and fall asleep, never wake up and join his mentor…his friend…his father figure but he knew that he couldn't. Thinking back, he remembered everything that the vampire had taught him and made the life changing decision. He was going to fight Steve, he was going to destroy Steve and he was going to do it for them. As he watched Steve take his dying breaths he would remember Sam and Mr Crepsley and think of Evra, his family and Debbie and everything that they had given for him.

Taking one last look at the sky, he swiped away a couple of tears and sniffed before whispering, "You had to keep apologising all the time, making me like you…making me look up to you and now you've gone. I just want you to know that I forgive you and…and I miss you but I'll never forget you…never. I'll get Steve and I'll make him pay. This one's for you, Larten Crepsley." He meant it too, because at first he had hated him, he had resented him, he had wanted to kill him but now…now he just missed him and that would never ever go away.

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**A/N:** Thanks for reading and pretty please leave me nice reviews…'tis after all my first Cirque story.

XxxoxxX


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